Darkness

Sitting somewhere typing this while waiting for someone. A sentence always pop up on my mind nowadays "是不是越乖越不会有人爱和疼吗?" I have made myself change so much because of those past hurtful relationships till I couldn't even recognise myself anymore. Many things I will be numb to and just keep it to myself even though I know I'm not in fault. You can put every blame to me I'm ok with it because what is the point of arguing when you so confirm that is my fault and not yours? Always telling myself "Do not talk back even though I know I'm not in any wrong". Because if I talked back, you would say "我没大没小".  Keeping to myself is the best place that I can hide at.  To my family, no matter how hard I tried and do will never be enough for you guys. Been losing the feelings to go out with you guys even just by staying home during my off day or after work from morning shift. Many shits will happen. Especially when you keep talk about money keep asking me f...

First ever time drinking session with someone whom I can really trust so much. Saying all my deep inside hurts, thoughts and everything out to you. You are really the only one I trust so much and so easily. Feeling so good till I cried infront of you. Not because of being drunk from drinking.  Always telling myself and giving myself a rules not to cry after a minute. First drinking session glad that I'm not that drunk as I still know where I'm going to where  walking to. Can't be drunk when going home have to force myself to make myself stay awake if not get blame and scold by them. Every little thing I did to them is always wrong.  But to you it's just so different. Maybe because our past is really almost the same. That's why you can relate how I feel.