06-07-2023

Sitting somewhere typing this while waiting for someone.

A sentence always pop up on my mind nowadays "是不是越乖越不会有人爱和疼吗?"

I have made myself change so much because of those past hurtful relationships till I couldn't even recognise myself anymore.

Many things I will be numb to and just keep it to myself even though I know I'm not in fault.

You can put every blame to me I'm ok with it because what is the point of arguing when you so confirm that is my fault and not yours?

Always telling myself "Do not talk back even though I know I'm not in any wrong".

Because if I talked back, you would say "我没大没小". 

Keeping to myself is the best place that I can hide at.

 To my family, no matter how hard I tried and do will never be enough for you guys.

Been losing the feelings to go out with you guys even just by staying home during my off day or after work from morning shift. Many shits will happen. Especially when you keep talk about money keep asking me for money when you guys don't even pay for all the bills, my food and my transport.

Trust me even if my monthly salary is 10k will never be enough for you guys. Because you guys will only think of you, yourself and not me.

None of you ever asked if I have enough to use or spend. Instead of asking me you guys only ask me for money. 

Who doesn't want to stay home and rest up?

Always blaming me for going out after my work during morning shift. Did you ever ask why? Did you ever ask me what's wrong? Did you ever ask why I don't want to stay home?

I have wasted how much of my time for working afternoon shift for freaking 2years. My freedom all gone.

I told myself the more you blame me for going out the more I wants to go out. The more you scold the more I will do it. Don't ever force me till I go do something bad.

I guess this is really the only place I can rant things.